Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Miss Juicy Sweat Pants By Irene Riot

“Dr. Manaois, we have a patient who wants to leave AMA when you get here. Just to let you know”

“Thanks. On my way”

“40 y/o Caucasian female admitted for detox. Not suicidal, not homicidal no psychosis. Multiple admissions mainly for detox but first time in this facility. Left rehab about 2 weeks ago and relapsed last night”

She had big blonde hair. Petite with an orange complexion. She was dressed in a crisp white hoodie with matching low rider sweat pants. The word “JUICY” was bedazzled across her butt and her hot pink thong bled right through. Her hoodie was zipped to show just the right amount of cleavage. The tie was removed.

She was very charming, talkative and very engaging. She related how she didn’t need to be here and that she realized she could do this on her own. “I’m supposed to see my grandkids today. My daughter will pick me up”

I encouraged her to stay, she declined. I informed her of the complications of improperly treated withdrawal syndrome to which she replied, “I’ve been sober 2 weeks! C’mon! I only had a few pain pills last night. I’m not detoxing! You’re such a sweetie! And you’re so pretty! You’re too young to be a doctor. You’re not married?”

We were the same age. She was an attractive lady but years of drug use aged her. Deep wrinkles in her forehead, eyes; even her cleavage was wrinkled. She looked way older than 40 but still dressed like she was 17. Her junior sized attire fit her well, though. After our session ended, she thanked me for allowing her discharge. I had nothing to make her stay. “Cute shoes by the way. You totally rock them heels!”she said as she walked out of my office.

“Dr. Manaois, can you come to the dayroom?”

Miss Juicy Sweat Pants was screaming on the phone “You good for nothing little skank! I hate you! You think you’re high and mighty now, you’re just a sorry piece of shit!”

“What happened?”

“That piece of shit daughter of mine won’t pick me up!” She was crying hysterically. “She said I needed to stay and let you help me” she said sarcastically. “I don’t need you guys. This place is a joke! I don’t have a way to get home. I’ll just go home tomorrow”

It turns out, Miss Juicy Sweat Pants was Suzy Crackhead’s mother. Suzy refused to come pick up her mother. Suzy swore she would never return here and this time, she kept her word.

I never saw Suzy again but Miss Juicy Sweat Pants became a frequent flyer. In and out of our facility. Hooking up with guys she met in treatment then returning when they dumped her. I took her back every time.

Over the years, I learned from her that Suzy’s sister was adopted by an aunt. She became a nurse practitioner and is married to a doctor. She never calls.

Suzy never made it to beauty school. Instead, she got her degree in counseling and is now a substance abuse councilor.

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