Why I need to find a new place to shop by Lise Milligan

I pride myself on being a good shopper. I make a list, clip coupons, can figure out cost per unit without consulting the shelf tag, and am seldom swayed into buying extras just for bonus rewards if it's an item we don't need. Having worked in a grocery store in my youth, I also pride myself on being a good customer: I never complain about how my groceries are bagged, am unfailingly nice to staff, and savvy enough about store layout psychology to find things without needing assistance (Campbell's tomato soup will almost always be on a bottom shelf). However, I also seem to be a mishap magnet. To the kind folks at Sobeys on University Avenue, my deepest apologies. It will likely be a while before I darken your door again after my recent visit.

List in hand, I was doing my usual circuit of the store. When I reached the meat aisle, a woman ahead of me was trying to make some room in her cart. In the process, she dropped a bottle of liquid laundry detergent which splattered all over the floor. A clerk was right there to clean the spill. The lady looked back at me red-faced, and I gave her a "what can you do?" shrug. I knew she was mortified, and it wasn't like she did it on purpose. While she sent her son to get another bottle, I continued past her and moved on to the dairy section. I have to admit I was feeling a bit smug and relieved that I wasn't that poor woman.

Once I'd picked up my milk and cheese, I noticed a huge display of barbecue sauce, and there was a buy one, get one free offer. Since it was on my list, I plucked a bottle from the top of the display and looked to see what other flavors they had. The only other kinds I liked were further down, and they were all on cardboard cutaway boxes stacked on top of one another to just above my eye level. I reached down for a garlic bottle, and when I removed it, I could feel the column start to sag. Quickly I replaced the bottle and steadied the stack. Further up was onion, which I also liked, so I thought I'd take that instead. I just barely put a hand on it when the stack abruptly collapsed. I tried to steady what was left to avoid further mayhem. Another shopper asked me if I wanted her to get a clerk, and I said yes as I was intent on damage control. Shortly after that, the rest of the right side of the display cascaded onto the floor. I was ankle-deep in barbecue sauce. Fortunately the bottles were plastic.

By this time, there were several people watching all this with interest and amusement. Just as I saw the manager coming with two clerks in tow, the whole left side of the display gave way..... which also took out an adjacent shelf of pickles. Those, sadly, were in glass jars. It was carnage. A little boy goggled at me, and I could tell he was wondering how long I'd be on time out for creating that big mess. Just then, the lady who'd dropped the detergent came along, and she gave me the same shrug. This is why I don't laugh, because karma is indeed a bitch. Surveying the havoc I'd caused, and aware there were kids nearby, all I could say was, "Well, poop". I was standing there, with a bottle still in my hand, surrounded by debris, and it was almost irresistible to blurt out "I didn't do it". The manager rushed over and asked if I'd hurt myself. I said, "No, I'm embarrassed to death, but I'm fine. I tried to keep it from getting worse.... but it just kept getting worse!". He reassured me that it was no concern, the main thing was that no one was hurt. He and one of the clerks lifted my cart clear of the wreckage and set it down on the other side so I could continue. Seeing how scarlet I was, the manager consoled, "If you just keep going, hardly anyone will know this was your doing". Somehow I doubted that, but I thanked him, apologized, and kept going. I had new admiration for the Dutch boy and the dike.  In the same predicament, I'd failed miserably. As I slunk away, I could hear the manager telling the clerks, "We should never have built the display that way". No kidding.

To compound my humiliation, two aisles later I passed an end cap with more barbecue sauce. I could have taken it safely from there. Then I went down the condiment aisle and again felt a fool as I realized I could have gotten it there as well. So much for being a clever shopper. And as if to mock me, Britney Spears' "Oops, I Did it Again" was blaring from the store stereo. That was enough for one day. I hightailed it to the register and then beelined for home. As I made my way in with the groceries, James came to help me. He took one look at my face and asked what was wrong. I said, "Bet you're glad you stayed home today", and launched into the story. He was laughing so hard he was crying by the time I  recounted it all for him. Still snickering, he joked, "Hurricane Lise strikes again", and thanked me for letting him stay home that trip. 

 

Well, there's a new Sobeys just opening closer to home.... think I'll try my luck there. Surely I can't do worse....

Facebook friendships by Lise Milligan

Jamie and Cole

Everyone says that Facebook friendships don't mean much, or not as much as your "real" friends. This is a story about one that did, and how Facebook friends can mean so much to you.

A lot of us here on Facebook have met through playing Lexulous. I've made many good friends there, including Jamie. Jamie and I hit it off quickly and bonded over chocolate, music, movies and a shared sick sense of humor. He was 25 and a lot like the kid brother I'd never had. We would trade recipes and compare notes on hot men. I helped him plan a nice surprise for his boyfriend Cole, and he helped me plan a romantic pre-Christmas weekend with my husband.

  I'd whine about snow and he'd ask to trade places, as he didn't get to see it much in California and he missed it, being originally from England. Over the course of time, he confided in me and told me that he was off work as he was trying to build his immune system up in preparation for cancer treatment. It was his second bout with leukemia. It made me feel kind of small for complaining about a cold and when I said as much, he laughed and told me I was his ray of sunshine.

"you are the apple of my eye, and forever you'll stay in my heart"

Once he was in the hospital, for the first while he was in isolation, so not even Cole could go see him. He couldn't get any infection in preparation for a bone marrow transplant. He was going crazy with boredom, so he asked if I could start a few multi-player games with some of my other Lexulous buds, which I did. Brian Arsenault was nice enough to be one of those friends.
No matter how awful he was feeling, Jamie would never complain. Finally Cole was allowed in to stay with him, but as Jamie's immune system was still low, no other visitors were allowed in, and Cole couldn't go out. So over time, I got to know him as well through Lexulous. I'd ask him for updates on Jamie, as I could rely on him to tell me straight. I expressed frustration over not being able to be of more help, and he said, "Jamie listens to you. when you tell him to eat, he tries. if you plead with him to rest, he does. so you're helping". That touched me.

Jamie had the operation, and was slowly recuperating. He boasted about getting Starbucks hand-delivered to him by his doctor.... but the poor kid could barely drink his lattes. His appetite was almost nil, and so his strength was low. Still, he wouldn't complain. Cole was worried to death, and so was I.
 But slowly he was improving, to the point that he was allowed other visitors. In the meantime, I had just managed to land a position at a lab, and I was tickled pink. Jamie and Cole were two of my biggest cheerleaders through the whole process, and they were thrilled for me. We had other good news to celebrate: once Jamie's strength was up sufficiently, he would be allowed to go home. We were stoked.
February passed, and he was still in hospital, but still improving. Things were sounding more hopeful. Jamie threw a birthday party in his hospital room for Cole in early March, and it was a nice one, with friends and family around. in our Lexulous game, he told me how much he was looking forward to going home "to my pillows, my own bed, my own love-filled home". I was so happy for him. Then I got an e-mail message:

"I regret to have to inform you that Jamie passed away today.
We must take heart in the fact that he is not suffering anymore and is free of pain.
He passed away snuggled tight in Cole's arms which he described as 'perfect'.
He fought long and hard and spent months in the hospital battling cancer. A truly brave young man.

Please inform anyone whom you feel needs to know. You're receiving this email because you're part of a list that Jamie had personally handed over to me.

Take care.

-JT."

 I was stunned and devastated. I cried so hard that my eyelids were chapped. My husband was a bit bewildered as to how I could grieve so much for someone I'd never met, but to me it was like we'd known each other for years and I wasn't alone. A bunch of his other lex friends were also distraught. We gave our love and support to Cole. He shared with us the instructions Jamie had left in the pics shown here. 

Apparently things worsened quickly, and knowing how little time he had left, in typical Jamie fashion he wanted to reassure his friends. He'd left even more instructions for Cole, and we all honored his wishes. Cole said for months later, he found little love notes tucked in pockets of his clothes. Jamie was just the sweetest, most thoughtful kid. When it snows, I'm reminded of my young friend who was taken way too soon. it was a year ago on March 11th.

Greatest Love by Lise Milligan

The following is the story of how I met my husband of
26 years. It is a tale of fate that intervened in what could have been a terrible mistake and turned into the luckiest break of my life. 

James and Lise, Truro, 1990

 I met my husband through my fiance at the time. They were in the militia together. My then-fiance went into the regular forces and was away, and during this time I slowly started to see how much he had cut me off from most of my friends. What really got me thinking was the friendship that developed between James
and myself. He was very considerate, and showed me more respect in an evening than I'd seen from my fiance in ages. Although it was all platonic at that time, I did find him attractive. We just always had a lot of laughs any time we got together with mutual friends, and shared the same wavelength. Neither of us expected that this was going to be life-altering; after all, I was attached and he'd just come out of a bad relationship. Not exactly the time you expect to meet your soul mate.

As time went on some of my friends pointed out that he seemed to have a crush on me. I dismissed this idea, as he'd always been a perfect gentleman and well aware that I was "off-limits". One evening, I broached the subject with him and laughed at how eager my friends were to see something there that wasn't. He suddenly went very quiet. Still oblivious, I figured he was upset that people were spreading rumors. We went on with our evening, but I could tell he was not his usual self. Finally, he
took me aside and confessed that it was true, he did care about me as more than a just a friend. He knew that I was engaged but it didn't change the way he felt. He went on to say that he was moving to Ontario in a few weeks and that maybe we should spend less time together, as it was becoming more difficult for him to be "just a friend". I chalked my sadness up to the fact that he was leaving and that our friendship would be altered.
The night before he moved, he invited me out with friends for a going-away bash. I met them at the armories and went to
take my usual seat next to him, but it was occupied by a girl from his regiment. After a couple of minutes, it was plainly obvious (even to clueless me) that they were "together". This made me feel jealous, which surprised me. We carried on with our evening, and I could tell this girl was really smitten with James. When we went to the washroom, she was babbling on about how they'd come visit me and my fiance in Ontario
(he was stationed in Petawawa) and vice-versa, like they'd be living together.


Why did I want to stab her with my eyelinerpencil? This made no sense to me. Later, James got me up for a dance and asked how he was going to disentangle this girl that was just a last fling for him. I made a catty reply about him thinking with the wrong head and that it wasn't my problem. After we left the club, we all went for a drive as we weren't ready for the night to end. We laughed and told stories, but I had a lump in my throat. I knew I was sad over him leaving, but still thought that's all it was. At the end of the night, he walked me into my porch, where he leaned in for a goodbye hug. Still nettled at the presence of this girl who he didn't even want, I gave him a handshake and wished him well. I then went up to my room and cried so hard that I couldn't go to work the next day. Just remembering it all makes my heart hurt even now.
Over the days that followed, I was despondent. And knowing that my fiance was coming home for Xmas in a couple of weeks
didn't cheer me; if anything, it made me more sad. This made me think that maybe the wedding should at least be postponed. When I got a call or a letter from James (no Internet yet, kids), I was ridiculously happy but boy was I confused. And I was still clueless.


When my fiance got home, the first thing we discussed was postponing the wedding. Both of us were relieved to be in agreement, and after all, we were babies (I was 18). Otherwise, he expected things to go on as they always had: he'd call the shots and I'd dance to the tune. WRONG! In his absence I'd
discovered free will and reconnected with friends I'd been apart from for years. Turns out that in my absence, he'd also found himself a girlfriend in Ontario, which I discovered when I was in the washroom at his parents' place. He was talking to her on the phone in their room, unaware that I was across the hall: " I love you too. yeah, this visit is a drag. can't wait to be back to you baby". 
Needless to say, by new year's we were no longer a couple. James and I had been talking regularly on the phone, and he commented on how Toronto didn't feel like home. It was a lonely place and the next thing I knew I was booking a flight there. While the tone between us got increasingly warmer, I was unsure of where it was heading or if I wanted it to head that way.


I had many questions unanswered in my mind. How did I know this wasn't just a rebound? What if this screwed up our friendship altogether? Should we go beyond friends
or not? I kept my questions to myself even as I boarded the plane.

 I was at war with myself- to make a move or not? After all, he was living in another province. but once I got to the gate and saw him there, I pretty much launched myself at him. All my doubts vanished. We had a wonderful week together. I didn't want to get back on the plane and go home. We'd been listening to the "Brothers in Arms" album by Dire Straits  almost nonstop during my stay, and he sent it home with me. While it was hard to leave and I wasn't sure what was going to happen next, I went home feeling like I'd done the right thing. We just fit too well. 

After a month of marathon phone calls and letters, James moved back home. We continued our relationship. The course of true love never did run smooth, as Shakespeare wisely said, but we've always stood by each other. He saved me from what would have been a disastrous marriage; he's always been my best friend and soul mate and always encouraged me to be my own person. If not for him, I may never have learned to drive or gotten my degree. Together we've weathered tough times: economic strife,
illness, and the loss of loved ones, especially my parents. This
September will be our 20th wedding anniversary and he surprised me a few months ago by telling me he wants us to renew our vows. I'll gladly do so, and can say without hesitation or doubt that he is indeed my greatest love. 

On our wedding day, September 5, 1992.

Love that weathers storms.

26 years and counting.